Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
