I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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