Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
