How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize