i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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