I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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