According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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