Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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