I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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