what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
