Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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