He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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