I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
