I think my vagina is haunted
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize