he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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