Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
