the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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