this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
