mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
