I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
