There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize