I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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