i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
