I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so let's talk penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
