you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
