dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
