the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
