I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
