Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
