I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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