i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
