My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
