you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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