The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
