Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize