I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
