The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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