Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
