I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
