Don't make out with my wife yet
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
