Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
