Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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