The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
