is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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