Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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