Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
