do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
