shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
