Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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