I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
