made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
