when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there was a trapeze. enough said
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize