you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This baby is an asshole
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
