Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
