weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
