in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
