There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
