Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
