i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
