Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
did you just send me my own nude
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
