Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize