College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
