I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize