I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
He felt like a one man threesome
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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