we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
