I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
