worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
