I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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