my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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