I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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