I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
