when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
