Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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