Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
