Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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