70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
These tits shall not be calmed
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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