she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
