i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
