What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
