Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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