Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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