I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
ok first of all what the fuck
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize