his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
So much Jack, so little girl.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
