So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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