ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
