rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
