Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
